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Monologue

from Isto on the Go by Isto

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lyrics

Silly Bologna man -

You can't just put people in sandwiches and expect them to stay there forever. They will break free eventually.

Furthermore, the bologna of your words may be less perishable than other meats but it will perish eventually - there are microbes in the air that will break it down.

You may try to play god, Bologna Man, but no amount of sodium benzoate can make a lunchmeat immortal.

I know these things and more for I am the Earl of Sandwich. You thought I was gone but I have returned.

I was rolling over in my wax paper seeing what you were doing to the legacy of my beloved sandwich, and I just had to intervene.

The sandwich represents perfection - a holy union between breads, meats, cheeses, condiments and what have you - and you have come along and turned a good thing bad - you've missed the whole point entirely.

When I was inventing the sandwich, there was one thought that kept going through my head, and that was "Ask not what lunch can do for you - Ask what you can do for lunch"

The other question I kept asking my self was soup or sandwich, soup of sandwich, soup or sandwich, soup or sandwich - in the end the answer was sandwich and I firmly believe that that is still the answer. The sandwich is still great - it just got mixed up with some bad bologna.

We have a saying in the town of Sandwich where I am Earl Emeritus: "Pastrami once, shame on you - Pastrami twice, shame on me" And the same could be said for bologna.

I hope you understand my words, bologna man, but in the end it doesn't matter what you or I or anyone understands. The truth is all around us and the truth will prevail.

And now, a song.

credits

from Isto on the Go, released January 11, 2019

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