1. |
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Bells ring across the Passaic,
Angels look down from above,
And on the PATH to Newark,
You might just fall in love.
It's a rapid transit Cosmos,
wheels are turning we've no inkling of,
And on the PATH to Newark,
You might just fall in love.
Millions of strangers have passed this way before,
They're not strangers anymore.
Blank empty faces down the Meadowlands of Time,
Till we cross that Essex County Line
One day I looked up from some book I was reading,
Now I'm a man with a wife.
Stumbling and bumbling and fumbling,
Through somebody's life.
Men are combing their hair right,
Maidens are dropping their gloves,
And on the PATH to Newark,
You might just fall in love.
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2. |
Hot Dog Daddy
02:44
|
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I came home about half past one,
My wife caught me with a greasy bun,
I'm a hot dog daddy,
A hot dog daddy,
I'm a hot dog daddy, eatin' burgers on the sly.
I came home about half past two,
Tomato ketchup in my shoe,
I'm a hot dog daddy,
A hot dog daddy,
I'm a hot dog daddy, eatin' burgers on the sly.
I came home about a half past three,
Pickles and onions all over me,
I'm a hot dog daddy,
A hot dog daddy,
I'm a hot dog daddy, eatin' burgers on the sly.
I came home about half past four,
Passed out on the kitchen floor,
I'm a hot dog daddy,
A hot dog daddy,
I'm a hot dog daddy, eatin' burgers on the sly.
That wife of mine, she's all right,
Keepin' me on with this appetite,
I'm a hot dog daddy,
A hot dog daddy,
I'm a hot dog daddy, eatin' burgers on the sly.
Came home at six, I was sure we were through,
But my baby was there makin' burgers for two,
I'm a hot dog daddy,
A hot dog daddy,
I'm a hot dog daddy, eatin' burgers on the sly.
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3. |
Leave It All Behind Ya
02:30
|
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Everybody's on your case
Everybody's in your face
You've got your eyes on outer space
How far could it be
Everybody wants a piece of you
When the devil comes knockin', what you gonna do?
You've got a back door, don't ya - walk right through - just two steps and you're free
Leave it all behind ya
The life that was assigned ya
Those things you let define ya
Just leave 'em all behind ya
The breeze will sure remind ya
Your walls will not confine ya
Just leave it all behind ya
Just leave it all behind ya
Everybody's Jack to you
And they've left all their slack to you
Well now they've got their back to you
One doorway, you'll be gone
An alley cat just purred for you
He'll put in a kind word for you
And maybe catch a bird for you - the bus comes through at dawn
Leave it all behind ya
The life that was assigned ya
Those things you let define ya
Just leave em all behind ya
The breeze will sure remind ya
Your walls will not confine ya
Just leave it all behind ya
Just leave it all behind ya
|
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4. |
When the Tide Comes In
03:08
|
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Some people spend all their lives
Preparing for the flood that never comes
Treading water in the air
Shadowboxing breakers everywhere
CHORUS:
When the tide comes in
When the tide comes in
When the tide comes in
That's when I'll learn to swim
Let us lay our clothes out come the dawn
Let us fight our battles where they fall
It's a surefire way to gather sorrow
Sowing the troubles of tomorrow
CHORUS
It rained it poured it rained so hard
It rained so hard all day
Lungful of water with each breath
Didn't take him long to reach his death, singin'
CHORUS
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5. |
Sushi Submarine
03:37
|
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Let's charter an elephant and take a little trip
Come along with me - we'll give your boss the slip
Take my hand I've heard there is a land
Where wandering minstrels are in great demand
After a year or two in this happy town
We'll be exhausted and need to settle down
Yes, we'll face the facts, and we'll follow destiny
And prepare for retirement underneath the sea
Where will we go? I think I know.
The same place where all the little fishies go
CHORUS:
All aboard the sushi submarine
Where the kitchen is always clean
And the sushi sitting on your plate
Is the freshest fish that you have ever seen
Sushi rice is extra nice
Underneath the ocean blue
You know what I mean on the sushi submarine
When I'm doin' lots of knots with you
By ship by sail by elephants tail
By flute by flail by run
By spoon by pail by African snail
Aloft adrift all done
By wick by wack by commodore's back
Astray all day in the sun
A whiffed a waft on a bathtub taft
And we're snack where we begun CHORUS
Rockabye daddy
Goodnight my son
Risen to rock you
Now bye bye I'm gone
Got up to get you to go back to sleep
I find myself drifting back into the deep CHORUS
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6. |
||||
Now listen here, my clever friend
That spiel you're spieling had better end
If you know what's good for you
If you think that we'll just sit and wait
While you go on and pontificate
You're quite right, but keep in mind that when you're through
This woman next to me, you might think that you could take her
But if you keep going on like this she'll send you to your maker
If you know what is good for you and if you value your life
Well, buddy, don't mansplain to my wife
She's an expert here while you're just dabbling
Yet you continue on a babbling
Interrupting every sentence she begins
You keep on squeaking, you little mouse,
My wife here she's a powerhouse
And let me tell you something, the house always wins
She takes pathetic men like you
and rends them limb from limb, it's true
it's all that I can do to play the fife
Five four three two here she goes, Fella everybody knows
Don't mansplain to my wife
You were great there honey and it was really on the money
The way you gave it to that blatherin' blatherskite
One thing you should know
Is that you can't just let it go
You've got to zing it to that kind with all your might
And let me tell you something, in this land
One thing you've got to understand
is - wait - I've said enough, the fuse is short the powder rife
Your lovely eyes remind me say no more
I've learned this once or twice before
Don't mansplain to my wife
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7. |
On an Island in the Sky
02:13
|
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On an island in the sky
There's a private little beach I'd like to try
Miles away from anywhere
Take your net and cast it in the air
And if you catch a flying fish
Throw him back and make a wish
We'll make our home where the planets wander
And the clouds make foam upon the deep blue yonder
The soundtrack to our years will be the music of the spheres
And we'll watch the world go by
On an island in the sky
What treasures we'll find with the tide so low
Open your mind and there's your fortune in tow
Along a starry bay right beside the milky way
And we'll watch the world go by
On an island in the sky
On an island in the sky
On an island in the sky
On an island in the sky
On an island in the sky
|
||||
8. |
||||
Every night I thank the stars for bringing her to me
I thank all of the heavenly bodies and the waves crashing in the sea
When you find that woman who causes the sun to shine
Put your arms around her and love her till the end of time
I'm a man of many faults - too many here to name
And every man that's in this room I think could say the same
When you find that woman who keeps your wild soul in line
Put your arms around her and love her till the end of time
I still remember the smile on your face on the night when we first met
And as long as I live I never will forget it
Whenever I think back to that smile and that enchanted night
It fills me up with so much warmth - and everything's all right
As you travel around this world be careful whatever you do
If you're not being careful true love can pass by you
And if you're ever lucky enough to find a woman like mine
Put your arms around her and love her till the end of time
|
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9. |
||||
The O & W Railroad had long been in decline
In the local parlance called the Old and Weary Line
When one autumn evening in 1955
Engine 803 began her fateful drive
She started in Oswego on her regular run
She was bound for Norwich, but destined for Hamilton
Furniture, steel and lumber she carried in her cars
And from the Nestle Factory a freight of chocolate bars
Someone flipped the track switch, they never found out who
It was too late to do anything once the train went through
She rose up on an incline - went sailing through the air
Crashed into Leland's coal shed some 90 feet from there.
The little ones of Hamilton were in for a surprise
They approached the wreckage cautiously and there before their eyes
Treasure all around them - more than they could eat
The Great Chocolate Train Wreck lay there at their feet
Families returned with wheelbarrows to gather up the loot
Nestle bars, cocoa, and chocolate chips to boot
500 grand in damages, sure, but nothing could be finer
Especially since the injuries were relatively minor
In 1957 the line shut down for good
And in Fulton there's an Aldi's where the chocolate factory stood
But the chocolate wreck lives on in local village lore
If you grew up in Hamilton, you've heard this tale before.
Many years later a stranger came to town
And made his home the site where the chocolate wreck went down
He was a former brakeman who had traveled near and far
His name was Ed Vollmer and he taught me to play guitar
|
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10. |
Big Foot Steve
01:38
|
|||
Global Warming, depends who you ask
Say the climate scientists, "Alas, Alas,"
But the crypto-zoologists? "Not so fast!"
It all depends who you ask
At the end of the day You choose who to believe
Scientific Consensus Or Bigfoot Steve
To move too fast Would be a sin
Let's wait till all of the facts are in
It might take some time to get all these facts
Since Bigfoot Steve is out studying tracks
But we'll all take a look at that data sheet
Just as soon as old Steve gets through with those feet.
Global Warming, depends who you ask
Say the climate scientists, "Alas, Alas,"
But the crypto-zoologists? "Not so fast!"
It all depends who you ask
So tell me, who you gonna ask?
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11. |
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It's such a lovely way to spend an evening
Father and son at home alone
I'd call to ask you when you are returning
If I could only find the telephone
While we banged on homemade drums down in the parlor
My head got stuck inside a coffee can
Leave me here and I will man the baby
But who's gonna baby the man?
I tripped upon a ball and went a-rolling
Right into our lovely chandelier
Junior started laughing just to see me
I told him not to be so cavalier
Then I followed as he toddled to the study
I knocked over several bookshelves as I ran
Leave me here and I will man the baby
But who's gonna baby the man?
As I brushed aside the works of Charles Dickens
I heard our giggling child continue on
I asked the dog if he could tell me kindly
If he'd seen what way our little joy had gone
Fido barked and nodded at the carport
That's when I heard bambino start the van
Leave me here and I will man the baby
But who's gonna baby the man?
I'm so glad you're home now, darling how I've missed you
Though our father son time has been rather nice
I haven't eaten dinner yet, no honey
Though on the stove I started cooking up some rice
What's that? Ah yes, I think it's rather smoky
Must be the flames arising from our frying pan
Leave me here and I will man the baby
But who's gonna baby the man?
Leave me here and I will man the baby
But who's gonna baby the man?
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||||
12. |
Dracula
01:57
|
|||
Christopher Lee came to me in a flowing Dracula cape
His teeth were dripping something red - maybe a cherry shake
I said - Hey, Mr. Lee! I'm very pleased to know ya.
Can I offer you some refreshment - perhaps an orange soda?
Mr. Lee looked at me - fangs growing in his head
I thought he was gonna speak, but he did something else instead
He bit into a candy bar he'd pulled from his left pocket
I asked what kind of bar it was he told me it was chocolate
I told him to be careful 'cause chocolate has caffeine
Then he looked upset and told me I was being mean
I said that may be true my friend but the truth can hurt sometimes
Then I ate a salad made of glass and washed it down with wine
Just then I saw that Mr. Lee was on another fix
I said a second candy bar??? he explained it was a Twix
I put him on a diet then to help him curb his cravings
We cut his sugar gradually weaning him with raisins
The raisins worked immediately - I knew they would I'm sure
I'd been a candy man myself many years before
Then he sat down in my armchair - he was getting rather cozy
As he nodded off he asked my name - I told him it was Lugosi
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13. |
Sisyphus
01:22
|
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Sisyphus the Spider
Went up the waterspout
Down came the rain and washed the spider out
Up came the Sun and dried up all the rain
And Sisyphus the Spider went up the spout again
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14. |
There is a Place
00:47
|
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There is a place
Where every face is considered beautiful
And this place is in my heart
For everyone is beautiful to me
|
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15. |
Moonlight
04:07
|
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The glow of lamplight ain't half bad
And stars shine bright in Trinidad
A winter tree that's candleclad
Brings festive joy that's true -
but my favorite iridescence will be radiating soon
Off the surface of a zillion ton doubloon
Moonlight
Lovely moonlight
Sends me dreams of you
Moonlight
Lovely moonlight
Make my dreams come true
Fill my heart with happiness
Fill my arms with tender bliss
Fill my lips with such a kiss
Then send me off to bed
The sunshine's nice throughout the day
Twilight too is quite okay
But when that sunlight goes away
And my daydreams all retire
My imagination gets away from me
And I am suddenly set free -
Moonlight
Lovely moonlight
Sends me dreams of you
Moonlight
Lovely moonlight
Make my dreams come true
Fill my heart with happiness
Fill my arms with tender bliss
Fill my lips with such a kiss
Then send me off to bed
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16. |
||||
I took a ride in my boat
Sailed it everywhere that it would float
Brought it right out to the edge of the sea
O - woe is me
Now I'm tipping off the edge of the world
Tottering on the brink
Dangling at the ridge of the horizon
And I hope that I don't sink
I had to be such a smart guy
Thinking I could sail just anyplace
Little did I know when I stepped out morning
I'd be falling into outer space
Tipping off the edge of the world
Tottering on the brink
Dangling at the ridge of the horizon
And I hope that I don't sink
Mama always told me that the earth was flat
Shoulda stayed home and left it at that
Ptolemy will tell ya that this rock is round
But that ain't what I've found
Tipping off the edge of the world
Tottering on the brink
Dangling at the ridge of the horizon
And I hope that I don't sink
|
||||
17. |
||||
18. |
Bologna Man
03:08
|
|||
There's a conjurer
Lives on a mountain
Who speaks bologna and makes it true
But it's only true if you believe it
So be careful if you do
Beware the man who casts his spells from scraps of processed meat
He'll be taking sandwiches and throw them at your feet
You'll be under his dominion
Where vegetables are just opinion
Follow ye this wizard if you dare
He'll put you in a sandwich and just leave you there
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19. |
Monologue
01:35
|
|||
Silly Bologna man -
You can't just put people in sandwiches and expect them to stay there forever. They will break free eventually.
Furthermore, the bologna of your words may be less perishable than other meats but it will perish eventually - there are microbes in the air that will break it down.
You may try to play god, Bologna Man, but no amount of sodium benzoate can make a lunchmeat immortal.
I know these things and more for I am the Earl of Sandwich. You thought I was gone but I have returned.
I was rolling over in my wax paper seeing what you were doing to the legacy of my beloved sandwich, and I just had to intervene.
The sandwich represents perfection - a holy union between breads, meats, cheeses, condiments and what have you - and you have come along and turned a good thing bad - you've missed the whole point entirely.
When I was inventing the sandwich, there was one thought that kept going through my head, and that was "Ask not what lunch can do for you - Ask what you can do for lunch"
The other question I kept asking my self was soup or sandwich, soup of sandwich, soup or sandwich, soup or sandwich - in the end the answer was sandwich and I firmly believe that that is still the answer. The sandwich is still great - it just got mixed up with some bad bologna.
We have a saying in the town of Sandwich where I am Earl Emeritus: "Pastrami once, shame on you - Pastrami twice, shame on me" And the same could be said for bologna.
I hope you understand my words, bologna man, but in the end it doesn't matter what you or I or anyone understands. The truth is all around us and the truth will prevail.
And now, a song.
|
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20. |
The Truth is in the Air
02:47
|
|||
The Truth is in the air
The Truth is everywhere
In the mountains and the valleys and the sea
In the hearts and the minds of you and me
The Truth is in the air
There to be found if you care
Open your ears, you'll hear it ring
Open your mind and let it sing
The Truth is always proper
The Truth is always beautiful
The Truth is always glorious
Always victorious
When the last of our kind is dead and gone
The Truth will linger on
The Truth is in the air
Open up your arms and grab your share
There's plenty of Truth to go around
When the air dries up, just mine the ground
The Truth is yours and mine
The Truth is yours and mine
The Truth is yours and mine
The Truth is yours and mine
|
||||
21. |
Monologue 2
00:15
|
|||
Let us now leave the Bologna Man on his mountain and move on to a little history lesson.
Excuse the delay while I remove my spectacles, but I gave not only my life
but also much of my eyesight to the creation of the sandwich.
|
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22. |
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In Finland, as in many Nordic countries, there was a tradition
That every couple of years a new pickle was declared emperor
It was a lottery system, and whichever pickle
Bought the 10,000th can of tuna of the year
Became the new emperor of all the Finnish kingdoms
This is the story of one particular pickle emperor
Who had a short but productive reign
It was in the Year of the Yak, by the Finnish calendar
When Periwinkle the Pickle Prince
Was declared emperor.
While he was being dressed in robes for the coronation and anointment
A bird alighted upon his left shoulder
Which is considered a very good omen
And Periwinkle the Pickle Prince declared a national day of birdwatching
For the entire empire of Finnish kingdoms
He led the watch with his special binoculars
That were given as a gift by the Duchess of Lake Bodom
He rode out on the finest horse in the kingdom
Followed by the royal family
And all the government bigwigs
And the military
And the landed gentry
And they went to watch birds in the nearby forest
Around the lake at the base of the hill near the emperor's palace
The first few birds they saw were spectacular
As all the birds allowed near the palace are
But the fifth bird was really something special
It was an ostrich with peacock feathers and a dog snout in place of a beak
Periwinkle the Pickle Prince took this bird as a pet and confidante
And named him Isabella
And they commanded the empire together
Bringing truth and justice to all that would have it
Among his great deeds was the construction of a temple
To all the Finnish gods
And an appropriations bill
That gave trillions to the school systems
And the appointment of many qualified individuals to the judiciary
And the construction of an aqueduct system
that brought wine to all the neighboring countries
Which was a great source of revenue and helped to fund the schools and
the temples and everything else
And this was all going fine until the Queen of Sweden
Declared a trade war
And built a giant dam to keep the Finnish wine out
This was bad for everyone
As Sweden now had no wine
And Finland suddenly had a huge budget deficit due to the reduction
in funds from the wine exports
So of course it was war
The war to end all wars
Because Spain and the Philippines were allies and sent troops
To both sides each, as they were friendly with both
Periwinkle the Pickle Prince
Rode out on Isabella commanding his army
And the Queen of Sweden went forth on her favorite bird
A parakeet named Larry
leading her army
And there was much fighting
And ingenious displays of strategy on both sides
And it lasted for years
And the Army of the Bothnia was advancing along the Tornio
And both sides brought all of their forces together for one great battle
And lined themselves up head to head
Awaiting the bugle call that would ring in the greatest battle in the history
Of Northern Europe
And both sides stood there waiting and armed the tension mounting
Until one of Periwinkle's judicial appointees came running
With the announcement that she had come upon an old constitutional document declaring
That pickles had no power
Over the military
And in fact couldn't be emperors at all
They were just figureheads if anything
And really more of a culinary delicacy
With few leadership qualities
and everybody went home and Finland
Became a Parliamentary Republic
Within the framework of a representative democracy
And Periwinkle the Pickle Prince is remembered to this day
For his wisdom in judicial appointments
And the anniversaries of his battles are celebrated annually
With pickle festivals and parades
And statues of him are found in every town in Finland
And Isabella the Ostrich
Went to the National Hairdressing School
Where he can be seen to this day
Taxidermied and Stuffed
And the object of great pride for all the alumni
Who gather to shower him with brine at the annual homecoming picnic.
|
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23. |
Whither Will I Wither
05:17
|
|||
Whither will I wither
Whither will I wither away
When the oceans dry up
And the earth burns away
Whither will I wither
Whither will I wither away
Whither will I wither
Whither will I wither
There's beauty in the silence - Yes there's beauty in the gaps
And we all are running somewhere even if we're just doin laps
You might put your faith in necromancers who make everything so clear
But the question is the only answer - the only one that I can hear
They say be part of something greater - They tell you get involved
Well we all will do that somehow - After we dissolve
And we all are chasing something - maybe some kind of glory
But in the end we're all just footnotes in our own life story
Whither will I wither
And will you whither with me
And whither will we whither
My humble inquiry
Well we all must leave the diner - After we've been served
But we all are made of energy - And we all will be conserved
As we go our separate ways - Expanding throughout time
There's a light that's shining somewhere - And I've got yours and you've got mine
Whither will we wither
Will you wither with me
Whither will we wither
Whither will we wither
Now I know that we're all hoping for some kind of wisdom at the end
If you teach a man to fish you'll have a very smelly friend
Whither will I wither
Whither will I wither away
Whither will we wither
My humble inquiry
|
||||
24. |
Slowly, Mysteriously
01:45
|
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